Guest blog by sexologist Sarah Peart
Feminist movements have reshaped society, yet in our sex lives, patriarchal conditioning often persists. Rather than enjoying our desires freely, we worry about body image and meeting others' expectations. Feminist sex is about breaking these pressures, finding joy in our bodies, and experiencing sex as an expression of our true desires—not those imposed on us.
Here are some powerful elements of ‘feminist sex’ which may change the way you view pleasure for the better.
Defining Feminist Sex: Consent, Pleasure, and Freedom
As Flo Perry says, “feminist sex is about having the sex you want to be having, rather than the sex you think you should be having.” This means prioritizing pleasure and enthusiastic consent, without expectation shaped by porn, media, or societal norms. Feminist sex isn’t about conforming to a “feminist-approved” script; it’s about personal choice. If a fantasy involves traditional roles (e.g., housewife and her dominant husband), it isn’t inherently “unfeminist.” However, exploring where our desires come, experimenting with role reversals, and focusing on the pleasure of these scenarios can help us discern which aspects are rooted in personal desire and which are remnants of cultural conditioning.
Deconstructing Sex, Virginity, and Language
An essential part of feminist sex is redefining what “sex” means. Society often equates sex with penetration: a hetero-centric view that reinforces male activity, and female passicity. This mindset dismisses non-penetrative acts, even though external stimulation is vital for many. Intimate experiences can be anything meaningful—a kiss, a cuddle, an intimate conversation, or any shared experience that brings pleasure. Removing the focus on penetration from our definition of sex opens a world of pleasure that’s often overlooked. Likewise, shifting the focus away from orgasm as the ultimate goal relieves performance pressure and allows for a more relaxed, pleasurable experience.
Many feminists will also argue that virginity is a construct. The idea that a woman “loses” something while a man “gains” the medal of her purity reflects patriarchal views. There’s no biological way to prove virginity; it’s a social idea, not a fact. We can reclaim and redefine this construct. For instance, I’m defining my “first time” not as my first experience with penetration, but the first time I had an orgasm with someone else.
Even the language around female anatomy, like “vagina” (meaning “sheath”) and “vulva” (from “wrapper”), reflects a male-centric perspective, defining women’s bodies in relation to male anatomy. Recognizing these terms’ origins reminds us of how deep patriarchal influences run.
The Influence of Cultural and Historical Systems on Sexuality
Historically, many cultures held different, less restrictive views on sex. Ancient Indian, Chinese, and Egyptian societies valued mutual pleasure and saw sex as a natural part of life. In modern Rwandan culture, the practice of kunyaza—a non-penetrative technique for female pleasure that stems from a queen in the Third Dynasty who gave her anxious guard instructions on how to pleasure her – demonstrates how cultural practices can influence sexual satisfaction.
Expanding Sexual Horizons: Insights from LGBTQ+ Experiences
Studies show that women who have sex with women report longer encounters, more oral sex, and higher expectations of orgasm compared to heterosexual women. One survey found 61.6% of heterosexual women report regular orgasms with male partners, compared to 74.4% of lesbian women, suggesting that satisfaction often relies on time and understanding rather than a focus on penetration. The LGBTQ+ community offers insights into how expanding definitions of sex can enhance connection and pleasure for everyone.
Conclusion: Embracing Feminist Sex for Personal Liberation
Feminist sex is about questioning societal expectations, embracing desires, and finding joy in our bodies. It’s a journey of self-discovery where we prioritize pleasure and respect boundaries. By rejecting patriarchal constraints, we create space for authentic exploration, free from guilt and judgment. True empowerment lies in defining our own experiences, inviting pleasure, curiosity, and self-acceptance.
To find out more, don’t hesitate to get in touch by emailing us at info@sexedmatters.co.uk. You can also sign up to our newsletter here to stay up to date with our work. Talya will be writing more blogs for us in future months.
Commentaires